Livin' La Vida Logan

Mike came over to eat again. He asked if he could. Well first he tried to get me to go see Pirates with him, but I said no. "It's not that I don't want to go to the movie, I know what happens to you when you see anything about a pirate, Captain Mike Sparrow." After several minutes of pointless discussion about planks and booty, we agreed that I would cook, he would come over with ice cream and we would watch a DVD not about pirates.
I was just finishing up the food when he arrived without ice cream. "I only asked you to do one thing and you couldn't remember to do it?"
What can I say, I got stuff on my mind and I was already running late and we don't really have to have it.
"You're always late so I wouldn't have thought anything about it. There is a store around the corner, just go there while I get things finished here."
I don't want toooo. He whined. How about if we just do without?
"Okay, fine with me. How about you do without eating?"
That's fine, I don't have to eat.
"Suit yourself." I continued getting things ready while he pouted in the living room. A few minutes later I heard the door close. He just left without even saying bye. I made him mad, great just what I need and what am I supposed to do with all this food? I was getting ready to call him to apologize and ask him to come back when the door opened. It was him, ice cream in hand. I gave him my "what the heck" look. He smiled and said It smelled good and I'm starving.
We ate and talked. "So it's Friday night, want to tell me the real reason you wanted to hang out with me?"
I just thought it would be nice to spend time together.
"Oh. Okay then." Like I really believe that! "Don't you have an alleged girlfriend you should be spending time with?"
He ate more.
She had plans with some of her friends. Friday night is friend night and I chose you!
"Isn't that sweet?" Still not buying it. "So why didn't you just have a Munch adventure? You two always have fun."
He ate more.
Oh, you didn't hear? He and I aren't speaking. We got in another fight.
He said they had a disagreement about whether John had been in a Russian Gulag. "A very relevant argument. Sounds like something to not speak to your best friend about. Don't I feel special that you're spending time with me because the girlfriend is busy and you're fighting with your best friend?"
He finally finished eating and slowly made his way to the living room. He did not like my viewing choice: "Fine you want to watch something else, you go pick something out!" He tried to get up, but couldn't because he was too full.
All the way over there? On second thought, this is a great DVD.
We spent the rest of the evening watching "You can't fix stupid". He fell asleep before it was over. I left him on the couch and hoped he didn't decide to take his pants off. He has this thing about couches and pants. I would hate to have to buy a new couch. He wasn't here when I got up and neither were his pants. I took that as a good sign.
Lessons learned: If Mike is hungry and you have food...You have power. I should have made him clean the house. If Mike eats too much he will agree to whatever you say as long as no moving is required...You have power.