An email I received:

REAL STORIES SUBMITTED BY DOCTORS
> >
> >
> > 1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
> > have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
> > rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and
> > began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
> > that there were several cabs and I was in the wrong one.
> > Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
> >
> >
> > 2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
> > on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's
> > anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed.
> > "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
> > Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
> >
> >
> > 3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
> > told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
> > myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later,
> > I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
> > he had died of a "massive internal fart."
> > Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
> >
> > 4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
> > with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,
> > that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
> > "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to
> > put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out
> > of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered
> > what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty
> > patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal
> > of the old patch before applying a new one.
> > Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
> >
> > 5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
> > "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete
> > confusion she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years -
> > when my husband was alive."
> > Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
> >
> > 6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your
> > breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for
> > the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the
> > taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the
> > jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
> > Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
> >
> > 7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a
> > young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker
> > Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing
> > strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
> > that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
> > scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was
> > completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
> > noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
> > above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the
> > grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
> > wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which
> > said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
> > Submitted by RN no name
> >
> > AND FINALLY!!!................
> >
> > 8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was
> > quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.
> > To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a
> > habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon
> > whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out
> > laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from
> > my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
> > She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was,
> > "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
> > Dr. wouldn't submit his name